Powerful memories

Today is the first day for months since I've had a few hours away from Harry, a belated birthday treat thanks to my friend Mel. We had planned McDonalds and bowling because I'm obsessed with their McDonalds monopoly. Its definitely not helping the waistline! Well we had that and then Mel suggested a place that sells just desserts, I didn't take much convincing I wanted to check it out.

So lovely and sickly.... Completely stuffed think I need to detox now 😉

Its amazing how a few hours can help you recharge and just feel better to not have to constantly worry or be too tired to do anything was nice. I felt happy on the way home I really appreciated what I had just because I hadn't seen Harry for a few hours. I enjoyed myself a lot but I have to admit I missed putting him to bed. Luckily Mike was super daddy, played with him until he got tired and then gave plenty of cuddles until eventually he was fast asleep in the cot even doing my job of laying next to the cot just for reassurance.

On the way home Abba came on and I all of a sudden felt like my mum was watching over me. I had powerful memories of listening to Abba's album on repeat in the car with mum, beks and mims (my 2 younger sisters). I'm sure I remember us all singing along to it while in Cornwall when it was just the 4 of us. It was Chiquitita by Abba and the words really spoke to me, I forgot how much I love singing along to Abba, its like a guilty pleasure haha.

My favourite bit;

'Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita'

Powerful lyrics and such a powerful voice!

https://youtu.be/p4QqMKe3rwY

I almost felt like my mum was talking to me, I don't know about any of you but I like to believe the ones we loose that we love are watching over us and sending us little messages to help us stay strong. I almost started to crying but I felt so much stronger like she willing me on, I mean this was the first song as I turned the radio on for my journey home. Maybe its just a really powerful memory but I for one will be playing a lot more music around Harry! 💓

Loving the poppies at City of Culture while back in Hull today :)

Mothers day birthday

Yesterday was mothers day and my birthday. Running up to the day I found it hard to get excited or even plan anything as its almost 8 years this year since my mum passed away. Understandable I haven't been looking forward to this day, especially as one of my early memories is from when mothers day fell on my birthday. I remember swapping presents with my mum and finding it funny, I think I was 6 the first time. It was great being able to give my mum a present in return receiving one myself it was like a mini Christmas just for me and my mum.

 My amazing mum 💜

Its strange how many times that memory has popped into my head this last few weeks everytime I've seen an advert or competition saying mothers day 26th March. Its hard when your mum is no longer with you. I know I haven't wrote a blog post for a while but when I haven't been busy I've been deep in thought about both my mum and my brother Mike. I found myself looking at old photos thinking I'm now 2 years older then Mike was almost 10 years ago when he passed away. It was such a strange feeling to look at his photos and realise how young he was. Last time I was younger then he was and thought I still had time to live up to his accomplishments, he did so much in a short time travelling with his job.

My hero big brother 😊

The point of this post is for me to realise what I do have and use the memories and the drive to make them both proud, sort my health out and follow my dreams. I'm so tired of putting everything off and making my moods yo-yo. I can make my own luck right?!

I'm so grateful for what I do have now. This year we live somewhere miles better with a lot more places to take Harry to explore. I've been so lucky with my comping this last 2 months. I've learnt so much about comping and money saving in general. I just need to remember to have faith in myself and somehow find an energy reserve! If anyone has any tips on how to find more energy while chasing a 15 month old please comment below 😉

On Saturday we had a picnic for my birthday it was lovely day, nice and sunny. Harry loved running around on the westwood chasing a ball and playing. Its the simple things in life that make all the difference in the world. Even though I was up from a silly time on my birthday/mothers day, and loads during the night, I have to say being a mum is amazing seeing him go from a small little baby to running around chasing a wall. Best love in the world. Here's to more adventures as the weather gets better and sharing them with you guys. Thanks for reading 😍 Ellie xxx

Harry enjoying a sausage roll at his first ever picnic.